Never let your guard down in the bathroom

Just had a traumatic experience in a public bathroom.  To use Seinfeldian euphemisms, I was in the place and I dropped my wallet in.  In it.  After.

And under, shall we say, the worst possible circumstances.   

Yes, eww. 

Fishing that sucker out was not my idea of fun, nor was picking through its sundry slips of paper and cards to see what had to be retained.  Ended up tossing everything except the cash and various plastics, both of which were then washed vigorously and at length.  Then scrubbed my hands like Howard Hughes.   

You can imagine the looks I got as I methodically worked my way through this long process, laying things out on the counter, picking through things with a grimace, etc.

Were the whole experience not so disgusting, I'd probably opine on how poetic and philosophically appropriate this turn of events is (especially given the presence of credit cards, riba being haraam and all).  Talk about "dirty money".

Time to buy a new wallet and order new copies of my various cards.  And probably get new pants.  Ones which don't for some inexpliable reason periodically expel my wallet from my back pocket when I stand up quickly.  This isn't the first time my wallet's jumped out, so I should've seen it coming.

I could just to start paying for everything with  large bills, but I think I'll do a mitzva and see if I can retire these at the local bank.  Feel guilty at the thought of other people getting these unwares.

So, your mother was right.  Always wash your hands after touching money. 

My bills might well be back in circulation shortly.   That's a thought that'll probably strike more fear into people's hearts than another outbreak of Anthrax.

Comments

[Abu Sinan]

That is funny. Well, reading your story was funny. I am sure the event wasnt for you.

I try to avoid using public bathrooms at ALL costs, but sometimes you just have to. People are so unclean, dont wash themselves, their hands, you name it.

I got rid of the plastic awhile ago and dont plan on getting anymore, one of the best moves I have ever made. I dont have a single credit card now. Alhamdulillah.

[Koonj]

Y'all need to learn from us, man. Wallets in back pockets? What could be more dumb??

[Matthew Smith]

As-Salaamu 'alaikum,

My trousers are nearly all BHS chinos, which have nice long pockets. I've never lost a penny out of them, not even when sitting on a car seat (a usual cause of the money shower problem).

A few years ago I started "experimenting" by sometimes wearing BHS's draw-string trousers. They have stupid shallow pockets, and your money and cards will be exposed and you'll lose your money as soon as you sit. I complained to someone behind the counter, but I haven't bought any more since (I wear them round the house only) so I wouldn't know if they'd changed the design. But I doubt it.

[Tavis]

Believe it or not, someone has thought of this problem (actually, it was probably more related to wallets being stolen, but it still would have prevented your unfortunate accident).

My pants have a pocket inside of the pocket that zips closed. It's a little mesh pocket specifically designed for the wallet. I have to unzip it to get to it. Granted, it looks a little odd when people see me reaching inside of my pocket and fumbling around, but hey, at least I didn't pull a "Svend" (sorry, bad joke, but I couldn't resist).

[Abu Muhammad]

There is no end to these painful yet funny incidents. I once dropped my glasses in the toilet of the train. And I was travelling from Quetta to Rawalpindi. Dr Sahiba knows it; its like 24+ hours of journey.

[Abu Sinan]

Well, most dress trousers have buttons on them, but I dont think many people use them.

Shabana, maybe we should learn from you females, but I think Svend would look silly with a purse. lol.

[Svend]

Well, I'm actually a big fan of purses. At least suitably manly ones. In fact, I freely refer to my satchel as a "purse" to make the point that men need bags. Men need to get with the program and start being practical. This system of stuffing everything into a wallet and having it jut out of your rear is just asinine.

Well, your nose is running and you need a tissue--or when you suddenly get a splitting head ache on the bus--who do you turn to for help? Not the useless man strolling along emptyhanded. That's when you need the help of a wise (often middle aged) lady with a nice, big purse full of provisions for every crisis.

Given men's greater physical strength, there's no good argument against it, either. If women can lug around bags, so can we.

[A.]

I was regaling my husband with your story and he couldn't stop with his exclamations during the telling of how you washed even the money bills ("money laundering!") and how you ended with reminding everyone that our mothers were right to always tell us to wash our hands after handling money ("talk about dirty money!")

and he could keep 'em coming...

also, let me add that I have carried my house on my back since I was 8 - my schoolbag, then napsack, then purse always has: bandaids, tissues, handcream, ... even a mini nailcutter. I would never go anywhere without these 'necessaries', and feel lost if ever I forget to stock a bag properly (because that's exactly when you end up needing the bandaid that you forgot). It is good to be prepared for the rather appallingly needy business of passing through life - even though you sometimes end up marvelling at your own wierdness for it.

[Abu Sinan]

I dont care for lugging things around with me. Besides, like most things, they would tend to get cluttered with unneeded nonsense.

I am the anti-packrat, this from years of moving, so I am almost allergic to keeping things I do not need.

I love to hunt, camp and fish, and I was always the person with the most expensive, space saving backpack, who got the smallest most space saving items.

Having to watch after a purse, or anything like it, woul dbug me to no end.

But, seeing that you used a Seinfeld analogy, remember the episode where Kramer(or was it George) started using a purse? Oh, but Shabana has said that no references to Seinfeld can be used! Sorry! LOL!

[Leila]

LOL oh damn! hahahahehehehehohooh !