Talk about culture shock

After I shared that link about spousal assassinations in India on Facebook, a friend shared this even weirder report.

BBC NEWS | UK | Abused Asian men's lives 'living hell'

More South Asian men married to British women are becoming the victims of domestic violence, it has been revealed.

The National Men's Advice Line found 9% of calls for help to its service last year were made by men originally from countries such as India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. [MORE]

My reply:

Wow. That's a man-bites-dog story if I ever saw one. I realize that being a newcomer without local knowledge and/or contacts is serious impediment to getting help and I realize that the shame would be a serious deterrent, but I wonder how much of a role male relatives are playing in these case. People can be bullied all sorts of ways, though. Thought provoking.

I sometimes wonder if the counter anecdotes one sometimes hears of "husband beating" aren't more urban legends than reports of a real social problem, but this sounds like a pretty credible.

It's easy to forget that men come in different sizes, shapes and temperaments. There are of course men who deeply conflict-averse, for example. I have to admit to finding it exceedingly hard to imagine myself ending up in such a situation, but I guess the first mistake in sociological thinking is to universalize one's own experiences.

As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Things that make you go 'Hmm...'"

Comments

[TM Lutas]

If you are married to a difficult woman but love your children, I could see occasionally taking a hit to not be cut off from your kids. US law can be brutally biased against the husband and it only takes a few internet searches for an abused husband to see how trapped he is by the US legal system.

The UK system, I hope is fairer but I'm dubious of that.

[Abul Layth]

Ya western women are violent. I simply know to many brethren beat, assaulted and abused verbally by women. We call them "whipped" (literally) - a classification even I must admit I fall into sadly!

[svend]

@TM:
An interesting angle. For me your example and this report raises a thorny dilemma. tend to instinctively side with the woman for a number of reasons, but I know that the pendulum can swing too far in the woman's favor, too. The tough thing, I think, is disentangling the for lack of better a more elegant description self-interested rationalizations of losers who shirk their responsibilities as men from the legitimate complaints of reverse sexism or exploitation. And our legal system has all sorts of problem, of course, which I assume don't make the situation any easier. Unfortunately, it's easy for such sad men to make themselves sound like victims. Therefore, for me the burden of proof is frankly a bit higher with men claims of victimization--especially in immigrant communities given the different mores--due to the continuing imbalances of power and/or resources in many cases.

@Abul Layth:
Oh no, you didn't!

Your complaint reminds me of comments I heard from men in Denmark a decade or so ago (and not just among people of immigrant stock, for the record)--some men in Scandinavia clearly feel that Scandinavian women have gone "Amazon".BTW, there's a great expression in Danish. To say a man is "hen-pecked" they say, "he lives under the slipper" (han lever under tøflen).

Otherwise, passed over without comment, but some serious chuckling.