Akram's Razor - Reflections on Islam, Muslims & America

Marriage, motherhood, & the Nuclear Option

There's a wonderful post on Imam Suhaib Webb's website on the need for the Muslim community to recognize that, as important and noble as traditional family roles are, there is an infinity of ways that Muslim women may achieve their spiritual potential and serve their Lord.

Here's an excerpt from Maryam Amir-Ebrahim's Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise:

Allah (swt) did not create women for the sake of wifehood or motherhood. This is not our first goal, nor our end goal. Our creation was to fulfill our first and most important role—to be His SLAVE. As He tells us in Surah Dhaariyat (Chapter of the Winnowing Winds), “And I did not create the jinn and humankind except to worship Me.”

Worship comes in such a variety of forms. Being a housewife (a.k.a. domestic engineer!) can be a form of worship. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be a form of worship. Being a working wife and mother can be a form of worship. Being an unmarried female student can be a form of worship. Being a divorced female doctor, a female journalist, Islamic scholar, film director, pastry chef, teacher, veterinarian, engineer, personal trainer, lawyer, artist, nurse, Qur’an teacher, psychologist, pharmacist or salon artist can each be a form of worship. Just being an awesome daughter or house-fixer upper can be forms of worship. We can worship Allah (swt) in a variety of ways, as long as we have a sincere intention, and what we do is done within the guidelines He has set for us.

Unfortunately, however, that is not the message our community is sending to single sisters – both those who have never been married, and those who are now divorced. When I speak to many women and ask them about the ways they want to contribute to society and the ways they want to use their time and abilities, a number of them will tell me that they have no idea and that they’re only going through the motions of school or work while they’re waiting for Prince Muslim to come along and with whom they can establish parenthood.

However, Prince Muslim is not coming along quickly or easily for many awesome, eligible Muslim women. And for some, he has come along, and he or the institution of their relationship turned out to be more villainous than harmonious. Single and never married or divorced — very capable and intelligent Muslim women constantly have to deal with the pressure of being asked, “So…when are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger. It’s harder to have kids when you’re older.” [MORE]

I'd love to see what this author has to say about the insecurity too many Muslim men (and their matchmaking mothers, for that matter) in the USA manifest when considering highly educated and professionally accomplished women for marriage.

I think a bona fide crisis is brewing within the Muslim community in North America in this arena, as far too many wonderful, dynamic and by any sensible standard highly eligible American-born Muslim women are struggling to find partners who are comfortable with their achievements and quite reasonable and halal expectation that they remain engaged in professional life after marriage. These are women who should be getting eagerly snatched up like top NBA draft picks, but instead they're often being left out in the cold over petty, stupid Old World hang-ups. It's madness.

I see striking parallels with the situation in which educated African-American women--whose difficulties in finding suitable partners have gotten a lot of MSM coverage of late--find themselves. Some observers have even argued that for reasons of chemistry and long-term viability these women are better off giving up on Black men and focusing their efforts on landing a white husband with a kindred socioeconomic background.

That's a line of thinking I've heard discouraged young Muslim women apply to their own situation as they ponder the Nuclear Option, marrying a non-Muslim.* The trend is already well underway, I believe, as I've heard the laments for over a decade and can count half a dozen cases just off the top of my head in my own social circle of Muslimahs throwing in the towel and going Ahl Kitab.

For those that don't know, though the Quran does not directly address the matter either way, most Muslim scholars consider it forbidden for Muslim women to marry a non-Muslim. Thus, such marriages are  controversial within the Muslim community (a fact that sometimes leads to pro forma conversions by lovestruck but theologically unconvinced suitors).

Not that I am or aspire to be anybody's faqih, but I am not convinced it is indeed haram under all circumstances. It's a terrible idea in my book in most cases for a host of reasons, but I think there are situations where it makes sense and should therefore be an option for those who need it.

And, whatever one thinks about it, it must ultimately be the woman's decision, anyway. She's the one who's going to spend the rest of her life with the guy. And it's not like the community is likely to gallantly swoop down to her aid when an ill-conceived union with a man with whom she had nothing in common other than religion that was foisted on her inevitably comes crashing down.

Timely report on French women and the veil

A very timely study on Muslim women and the veil in France has just been released by the Open Society Foundations. It's available for download in English. Unveiling the Truth: Why 32 Women Wear the Full-Face Veil in France | At Home in Europe Project | Open Society Foundations

This report from the At Home in Europe Project aims to distinguish myths and misrepresentations surrounding women who wear the full-face veil from the actual experiences and testimonies of the women themselves, by reporting on the women’s backgrounds, their decisions to wear the veil, their daily experiences in public, and their views on the legislation.

Based on the testimony of 32 women across France, Unveiling the Truth offers the opportunity to hear directly from the women who are affected by the ban on face coverings, all of whom freely chose to wear the veil without, and often inspite of, pressure from family members and spouses. The stories they tell about their lives are sometimes humorous but more often than not heart-rending, especially in relation to their treatment by strangers, members of their communities, the media and politicans.

Contrary to the usual stereotype of Muslim women who wear the face veil, the majority of women whose voices are heard are like any other French woman with active social lives: working, attending classes, seeing friends, eating out, playing sports and actively engaging in local activities. [MORE]

I haven't read it yet--and I am no fan of the niqab in a Western context, it must be said--but I'm sure this research exposes how shallow, ironically sexist and disconnected from reality these hysterical calls for a "burqa" ban in France are. (This isn't ultimately about Muslim women, either. It's Sarko's transparent and demagoguic gambit to reverse electoral gains by the odious far-right anti-immigrant National Front Party.)

As is often the case, I'm amazed and inspired by all the vital work that George Soros does. One might call him the "Jimmy Carter" of Billionaires (a comparison I find the highest praise). If only more of the super-wealthy had the vision to dedicate a portion of their resources to promoting social justice and desperately political and civic reform as opposed to endlessly squandering it on "philanthropy" that really amounts to little more than self-interested lobbying (a la the Koch brothers, Pete Peterson, the Waltons, and so on, whose "activism" and proposed "reforms" consistently happen to shower them or their businesses with tax breaks).

I'm reminded of Fareed Zakaria's excellent (and surprisingly radical) reflection on the many woes besetting American political life, The Future of Freedom: Illiberal Democracy at Home and Abroad. It, explores, among many other fascinating indices of our nation's politico-cultural decline,  how American political and economic elites no longer feel obligated to give a damn thing back to society, in striking contrast to their peers in all previous generations. As American society becomes anachronistically feudal, it's perverse and perplexing for so the few among America's ruling class to be willing to even live up to a basic social principle of the medieval European feudal order, namely the notion of La Noblesse oblige (or "Nobility obliges [one to do something for those who are less fortunate])."

Marietal doublestandards about Muslim women

Reacting to an idiotically misogynist comment on my blog, I posted the following status update on Facebook a few days ago.

Svend White  is pondering the paradox of American Muslim women professionals finding it so hard to find husbands given how comparatively well educated, integrated and well-to-do American Muslims are.

The cavalry always rides the instant in when male privilege gets challenged in any way, so an exchange ensued.

Not that this is a terribly significant one, but it does highlight certain lamentable social realities that persist in the American Muslim community despite all its economic and educational advantages compared to other parts of the Muslim diaspora, I think.

[deleted]:
Where's the paradox? :-)

Svend White:
Hmm, to make this point without being obnoxious... A lot of us come from more privileged, [better educated] education backgrounds than Muslims immigrants to other places, but I'm not sure you see that translate into a more mature, open-minded attitude towards marriage. On the things that count, a lot of us are almost as "paindoo" as the folks showing up straight from the villages. Demographically, this should be the Promised Land for Muslim women professionals, but the opposite often seems to be the case.

[deleted]:
In some ways, the villagers are simply more raw in their expressions of human nature, while we "educated" folk are slightly veiled to these realities by heady liberal ideals of egalitarianism. I think part of the reason for the problem you describe is that deep down, both men and women prefer an arrangement when the male takes the lead, and Muslim women professionals (a) aren't willing to settle for someone "lesser" than them and (b) men feels somewhat emasculated by this.

Svend White:
Perhaps such a relationship is "natural", perhaps not. THat's beside the point, I think. As usual, women are expected to carry a double burden--men may adapt to the world around them pragmatically and on their own terms, while women must remain frozen under glass, embodying traditional values that their brothers have long since forgotten in our individualistic culture. Traditional marriage requires traditional values from both parties, but it's often a one-way street today.

[deleted]:
Well, putting career ahead of marriage & family is a pragmatic and non-traditional choice that many professional women make, one that naturally curtails their chances of finding a mate in the long run given what the sexes generally look for in one another. The situation is complex, and the loss of traditional values isn't one-sided. (It's not that I don't sympathize with professional women; I'm just acknowledging the underlying realities that lead to such an unbalanced dynamic.)

Svend White:
What many people fail to notice when they level such charges against all these supposedly self-absorbed women iis that men make equally "pragmatic and non-traditional" choices all the time today, but the Muslim community makes polite excuses and minds its own business when men are involved. Women live in fear of being seen in short sleeves, but men may wear tight jeans, adjust their attire to the heat, etc. etc. Men may remarry easily after a divorce even if they've been cads, but women are stigmatized. And so on. We're so accustomed to these double standards that they're as invisible as the air.

A modern-day Scheherazade in Khartoum

A disturbing case of stupidity and intolerance masquerading as Islamic law in Sudan.

Sudan trouser woman 'ready for 40,000 lashes' - Yahoo! News

KHARTOUM (AFP) – A Sudanese journalist facing 40 lashes for wearing "indecent" trousers vowed on the eve of her judgment that she is ready to be whipped 40,000 times in her bid to change the country's harsh laws.

Lubna Ahmed al-Hussein, who works for the media department of the United Nations Mission in Sudan, is to be judged on Tuesday after waiving the immunity granted to UN workers.

She is to be judged under Article 152 of Sudanese law, which promises 40 lashes for anyone "who commits an indecent act which violates public morality or wears indecent clothing."

According to the article, she's foregoing her legal right to invoke her special status as a UN staffer to escape this punishment. A modern-day Scheherazade, choosing to undergo a punishment she could easily avoid to protect others.

Cases like this illustrate why I'm opposed to the blanket endorsement of shari'a as it stands today. Those calling for its revival in modern life need to explain which Shari'a they want and why the rest of us needn't fear its imposition will lead to more such abuses of people's rights.

The personal is theological

Two years ago, I shared a great cartoon commentary on hijab in  "The infinite varieties of hijab," and wrote:

Doing a web search, I came across an entertaining cartoon drawn by Syrian cartoonist Puppeteer cataloging the many styles of hijab out there. Its focus is on Syria, but aside from the Kubeisya it seems pretty universal to me. And every community has its well-meaning but unnerving glarers who more or less share the aesthetic (if not the trademark coat...or the cartoon's unibrow). [HT:  My Adventures in Syria]

Brilliant and wonderfully playful.  I especially like the "ninja", who's ready to pounce.  And that Indonesian maid bit is biting but painfully familiar social commentary.

Responding to a new comment the other day, I realized that an eloquent previous contribution from a reader in either Denmark or Norway* deserved to be considered in its own right, so here it is without any further ado along with the still-entertaining cartoon.

...some Muslims do carry themselves in public with a stern, intimidating demeanor that can make the community a cold place (and which I do not think is anyway encouraged, much less required by, the Sunnah). I think that's a legitimate concern to raise in a constructive manner.
[From my original post. --SW]

In the cyber world I can pick and choose which sisters to befriend...and I would only be able to befriend the friendly ones. In RL (real life) I have been scared out of my boots by the stern, intimidating demeanors of some sisters I see on the street...I also get it from the scandinavians for being in hijab at all (and probably because I am an 'obvious' convert) and from the ummah for probably tying my hijab scarf 'all wrong' and looking like a 'wannabe'. Talk about between the devil and the deep blue sea.

Many's the time I've espied a muslim sister in the street and thrown a big smile getting ready to utter my practised 'assalamu alaikum søster!' only to be looked at like I have done something really really wrong and am about to snatch someones handbag. Just where do I fit in? Oh. With Allah. That's right. So long as I don't lie to myself. Am I any less a muslim if my hijab is not acceptable to all? I have given up now and am tired of looking like a wannabe Arab...(we have that here)...I am in hijab of my own style..and which muslim sister is not? I have yet to see two muslim sisters interpreting hijab in exactly the same way...there is always individuality even if is subtle.

I was curious about this 'cartoon' because for a long time now I have wanted to see something that presents all the different styles of hijab (and being a muslim woman in public) on one page. I am very curious since the argument rages on in all muslim circles about the 'right' way to hijab (and hijab is more than clothes right??). Isn't mastering the other (non cloth related) aspects of hijab (demeanor and vibes put out) the greater jihad?

I resent the fact that I am judged for the fact that sometimes a square centimetre of my neck is sometimes showing...when in fact I am swathed in so many layers of voluminous fabric, including a head scarf, that I cannot be in anything other than hijab, appearance wise. But technically..am not..due to the square inch of neck? I need to breathe for personal reasons. (LOL). Not a laughing matter though (can feel stern intimidating glares). It is worth exploring ad infinitum our attitudes to how we carry ourselves...even if this does destroy the humor.

As I noted when I  replied, I find the woman's testimony very powerful, and I see it as worth a heap of footnoted scholarly articles.

Feminists have long argued that "the personal is political", which I think means different things to different people. The reading of the phrase I find most stimulating is that it privileges the reliance on the proof of individual experience over the dictates of abstract, totalizing ("male"?) systems that are unlikely to address all people's needs.

In that sense, the personal is eminently theological, as well. In fact, I have profound concerns about theologians no matter how erudite who don't feel it necessary to test their theories and rulings against the personal experiences and struggles of real people today, especially those whose backgrounds, challenges and dilemmas are unfamiliar to a still overwhelmingly male-dominated scholarly class.

And, no, this isn't a complaint against a straw man. In a world where one-size-fits-all approaches are rightly out of favor, a lot of people pay lip service to the ongoing evolution and adaptation of Islamic law based on circumstance while ironically fighting tooth and nail at every turn to deny the possibility of rulings crafted centuries ago in far-off lands being in need of reevaluation. Especially in the area of gender.

But this is an old hobby horse of mine.

* The giveaway is the choice of the word søster [sister]. Were she Swedish or Finnish, it would be syster or sisar, respectively.

Not that I could even order a cup of coffee in Finnish. It is not an Indo-European language with more in common grammatically with Turkish than its the neighboring tongues. And they don't have Thor, which I find very disorienting. But I digress.

Yoginder Sikand on "unveiling the hidden history of women ulema"

Yoginder Sikand has an informative book review of a pioneering book written in Urdu (yes, Urdu; for a change, something enlightening on gender relations will be translated in the other direction) on women scholars.

Sikand is a treasure, btw. He's being churning out illuminating studies of Sufism and Islam in India based on hard to find primary sources for many years.

Book review: unveiling the hidden history of women ulema | TwoCircles.net

Books in English and Urdu on Muslim history rarely, if ever, mention the role and contribution of numerous remarkable Muslim women scholars. Yet, as the author of this fascinating monograph, the late Qazi Athar Mubarakpuri (1916-1996), points out, early Muslim history records many such women, several of whose names are mentioned in contemporary Arab chronicles. Indeed, he asserts, many of these texts had separate chapters devoted to such women. Some early Arab Muslim writers even penned separate books dealing with women scholars.

There's a lot more. Read it if you want to live.

Oil, the bane of Muslim women

Check out this fascinating examination of the role of oil in retarding the advancement of women in developing countries like Nigeria and Saudi Arabia.

Yet another example of how the contemporary Muslim problems often facilely ascribed to "Islam" or "Muslim culture" can be sociologically explained. That is, if you're willing to roll up your sleeves and consider them scientifically rather gleefully file them away as ammunition for culture wars.

The sooner they run out of this foul "resource" the better.

The natural resource curse is such a bitch | Gristmill: The environmental news blog | Grist

The quick version is that Ross makes a strong case that women are hurt by a previously unappreciated effect of the infamous "resource curse" that imperils democracy in countries with abundant fossil fuels.

Saudi Arabia and Nigeria are textbook examples of the "curse": when ruling elites and governments can get rich quick by exporting oil (or natural gas, or even tropical timber), they don't so much have a reason to care about the well-being of their citizens, or anything else for that matter. Many. Bad. Things. Ensue.

Speaking today at Brown University's Watson Institute, Ross emphasized that when developing economies are dominated by oil and don't diversify into things like textiles and manufacturing, women don't go into the labor force, their social status remains low, and -- because women are stuck at home or in informal employment -- their political movements remain nascent. The preponderence of oil in the Middle East and parts of North Africa would explain why traditional gender roles remain enforced even as oil wealth brings the accoutrements of liberal modernity.

The infinite varieties of hijab

Doing a web search, I came across an entertaining cartoon drawn by Syrian cartoonist Puppeteer cataloging the many styles of hijab out there. Its focus is on Syria, but aside from the Kubeisya it seems pretty universal to me. And every community has its well-meaning but unnerving glarers who more or less share the aesthetic (if not the trademark coat...or the cartoon's unibrow). [HT:  My Adventures in Syria]

Brilliant and wonderfully playful.  I especially like the "ninja", who's ready to pounce.  And that Indonesian maid bit is biting but painfully familiar social commentary.

Free yourselves, Muslim women!

I don't have time to comment at length, but check out this gem of neo-colonial paternalism, unvarnished prejudice and ironic sexism from the youth wing of the hardline Danish People's Party. 

They have launched a campaign directed towards Muslim women entitled "Free yourselves" ("Befri jer selv").  They're referring to Islam, of course.

You can order a poster and get postcards for spreading the good news that they are waiting with open arms to receive Muslim women exiting Islam.

Below is a quick translation of a typical passage from the introduction on their hompepage (the paragraph "Hvis du som muslimsk kvinde frigør...)".

If you as a Muslim woman free yourself from old Muslim traditions that require you to submit to male family members, you can become an independent woman and member of modern society.  A woman who is not dependent on a man.  A woman able to create for herself a career on the job market and not just stand over the stove or serve as a baby machine.  You can show your children what a woman's potential is by having a job, home, and family while remaining a good  mother.  Women in the West have done it for decades.  We live well and are thriving.  You can be one of us.

Ah, where to begin?

I particularly like the offensive dismissal of normal, un-"liberated" Muslim women as simply cooks or breeders.  An inspiringly progressive sentiment in people selflessly committed to empowering women, no?

Note also how these Danish hardliners make it clear that the only way to become "one of us"--i.e., be accepted as members of Danish society--is for Muslim women to abandon their traditions.    These crusaders for women's rights exhibit curiously conditional solidarity with the supposed victims of Islamic patriarchy. 

That's no accident, though, as loud, self-interested protestations on behalf of oppressed Muslim women are a centuries-old staple of Western propaganda in conflicts involving Muslims.

I'm reminded of Leilah Ahmed's insightful obsevation in Women and Gender in Islam that at the very same time British colonial authorities were crusading to "free" Muslim women at the turn of the century they were actively opposing women's suffrage tooth and nail back in Europe.   

Katharine Viner explains in "Feminism as Imperialism":

The classic example of such a colonizer was Lord Cromer, British consul general in Egypt from 1883 to 1907, as described in Leila Ahmed's seminal Women and Gender in Islam. Cromer was convinced of the inferiority of Islamic religion and society, and had many critical things to say on the "mind of the Oriental". But his condemnation was most thunderous on the subject of how Islam treated women. It was Islam's degradation of women, its insistence on veiling and seclusion, which was the "fatal obstacle" to the Egyptian's "attainment of that elevation of thought and character which should accompany the introduction of Western civilization," he said. The Egyptians should be "persuaded or forced" to become "civilized" by disposing of the veil.

Do they have similar concerns about other "Western" women who make the same choices around the globe?  Or are "submissive" housewives only oppressed when they are Muslim?   Do women leading old-fashioned lives in rural America or southern Europe also need to be saved?  There's a lot of 'em.

I think it's a fair to assume they only pay any notice to Muslim women's welfare when it serves their machinations to further demonize the immigrants that they evidently despise so passionately. 

Note as well how the poster not only removes the scarf, but puts Muslim women in what appear to be slight tank tops.  There's something Freudian here.  They want Muslim women "freed" so they can undress for their liberators. 

Turkish govt to censor hadiths

I blogged elsewhere about a harebrained and counterproductive Turkish scheme to publish a "politically correct" hadith collection that is free of any traditions that violate modern gender sensibilities.

Promoting reform by hacking up sacred texts - Eteraz.org

In a move reminiscent of Thomas Jefferson's rationalistic rearrangement of the New Testament, the Turkish government is planning to bowlderize hadith collections so as to eliminate traditions deemed misogynistic.

This strikes me as an intellectually indefensible and politically tone-deaf move that is far more likely to undermine the cause of gender reform than inspire much needed debate.

There's more.